Becoming the Women you Aren't
By Killari O'Donnell
April 26, 2026
Graphic by Mari Salomao
In certain lights, my hands look like my mothers and it makes me smile. To know that I carry her with me, in the curve of my fingers as I hold my cup, or in the redness of my knuckles, wrist-deep in dishwater, to see myself in this woman who has loved the most innocent versions of myself is a gift.
Now queue the image of me sitting in the chair of a sketchy tattoo parlor, permanently inking my skin with a stereotypical “mom” inside a heart with an arrow shooting out the side (she’d probably be a bit disappointed, but that’s besides the point).
As children, we swear to be different from our parents, to not repeat their mistakes. But as a daughter, we look to our mothers first, to learn to navigate the world as a woman, for better or for worse. How can one choose between making their parents proud while still honoring their own unique identity? How does one choose differently, when their blood runs through your veins?
Well, I suggest you select your role model wisely. Someone hopefully unrelated, who’s essence reflects the person you know you can and want to be. Find someone who might just understand.
Today, we will be discussing another woman who has held a special place in my heart, pop-rock star Mikaela Straus, otherwise known as King Princess. Her wise words have often comforted me in times of need; I hope they may resonate similarly with you.
On Mikaela’s debut album, Cheap Queen, her rock-star vibes and raspy, bluesy voice are striking, paired with a stage name I find to be perfectly contradictory. With songs like “Trust Nobody” and “Ain’t Together” we get a glimpse into the drama and chaos of female relationships and identity.
“Oh, when everyone starts calling for me,
Oh, I only pick up for you”
/TRUST NOBODY/
Independence can be a flaw. It is often easier to walk alone, to leave just to prove that you can. If you dare to check the other side of this coin of freedom, you may be lucky enough to find someone who forces you to appreciate the impermanence of presence and companionship. You may find someone who sees the side you don’t share with anyone but the mirror.
In a day and age where interaction has become so accessible, whether it be social media or the expectations of a text back, is it selfish to “only pick up” for the one we hold in highest regard, compared to the rest of the innocent public? I argue that we have every right to preserve our energy for those we deem worthy. It is evidence of the value of our time. Forget the expectation that we must always be available, even at two in the morning. There are simply too many variables in trying to please and be fully present with everyone you might interact with.
Remember that you are the first person you must take care of, for the rest of your life. Do not let this responsibility intimidate you, I only advise you to treat yourself as kindly as you do the ones you love. This is why, when we meet someone who, for some reason, sees something special within, we will do many unreasonable things to hold onto this status of importance, and the benefits of being the first person someone thinks to call.
What makes specific people worthwhile to us? Love is irrational, illogical. For some reason, when everyone starts calling for me, well, I really only pick up for you.
“Baby, you don’t gotta worry ‘bout nothing
Cause everybody knows
That you and I got that somethin“
/AIN’T TOGETHER/
In this line, there is an understanding between two souls. A couple of phrases down, King Princess asks, “Do you think labels make it taste much better?” checking whether the precariousness of the situation would be made worse if either party had the courage to dare and acknowledge it.
Graphic by Mari Salomao
Witnessing the locking of eyes with someone, a stranger in the crowd, or a friend, taints the air with possibility: impossible to guess exactly what each party is thinking, but unmistakable for anything else. There is beauty in the undeniability of loves’ existence. Yet, when desire stumbles upon a blurry line, it becomes dangerous.
Time and time again we see this question. In the famous words of Timothee Chalamet, “Is it better to speak or to die?”
Perhaps a label is not the solution. Labels are tricky, they create boxes, and impose standards of qualification. This is why I, a woman, often hesitate to identify myself as one. Walking this world as a woman means there are expectations of how I should dress, think, speak. Expectations exist in congruence with the desire for validation, whether it’s from our parents, for getting a good grade on a test, from our best friends, for the new haircut we got, or from our coaches for the great game we just played. Desiring validation is natural and human.
This does not mean you should roll over and comply blindly.
I relish in stretching the meaning of this label daily. There are so many ways to live, so many ways to exist within womanhood. Expectations are subjective and contradictory and they EVOLVE. In “Cursed”, King Princess sings “but endings lead to better things/ like sleeping again,” to remind us to make peace with the evolution of ourselves. Take the risk, she says. Forget who you thought you were, or had to be. To discover the women you aren't, you must understand the women you already are. Embrace your possibility. ■
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