Words From Web

September 21, 2022 / Spark Magazine

An ongoing journal from the Web department. 


Go where you feel the most alive

— Anonymous

“I feel the most alive when the breeze hits our skin the same way and we both tilt our heads up in sync to feel the sun warm our eyelids. I feel the most alive when we lay together in the early morning and look out the window to see the same dewy haze. One pair of blue eyes and one pair of brown eyes looking into each other. I never imagined a life without you in it, I never had to until now. But how will I get out of bed in the morning without you?”
— Katlynn Fox

“we are numb, almost. so numb that your bodies don’t feel like our bodies anymore. we can only see it outside of itself. we’ve had so many breaths that it becomes so monotonous and dull that we do not realize we are breathing whenever we do it. that’s why i like metal shows. they remind me of my breaths. they teach me to know the feeling of living because at a show, i feel the vibration of the sound from the speakers pulse through my lungs, reminding me how to breathe. a breath that was once monotonous has become extraordinary.”
— Sonia Siddiqui

“when i die and i am in purgatory and they are deciding if i go up or down, my defense will be: ‘well god, you should be proud of me. i could never successfully take a shot and i never bought my own drugs.’ i don’t believe in a heaven or hell, but maybe if i did i would feel more alive there too.”
— Pebbles Moomau


I sleep
so that we can meet

— Mr. Den

“i can’t wait to go to sleep because that’s the only place i can see you again. my waking memories aren’t enough, when i go to sleep you’re alive again and i am utterly unaware of a world in which you are not. i don’t want to wake up because it’s a brutal reminder that we can’t actually live in our dreams, that the real world will always come knocking and you’ll always be gone.”
— Isabella Zeff

“But when the lights are off, and my eyes are closed, I let you in. And it feels so good. I sleep so that we can meet. Because I want to see you, I want you to enter my mind. I hope we are meeting in your mind too. I miss you. It is so easy for you to take up space in my mind. I can’t find anyone to replace you, and so, I let my mind wander to you. I lay on my pillow, curled up in the thought of you. The way you talk, the way you touch, the way you were. I let myself free in the thought of you.”
— Noa Miller

“When I sleep, I hold him without abandon. When I sleep, I’m not afraid to accept his love for me. When I sleep, he meets the version of me I want to be. I sleep so I know what could be.”
— Anagha Rao

one day I will find the right words
and they will be simple

— Jack Kerouac

“ Every since you died last spring I’ve been trying to find the right words. Yes, it’s true the deep hatred I’ve fostered against you has dwelled in my heart for years. Yes, it’s true I dreaded talking to you on the rare occasion that you called. But it’s also true that I missed you.”
— Bryn Palmer

“i told you i was too scared to scour for the word that i felt for you. a word for the way my heart races and skips and tumbles and throbs. i like the chase of scouring, of not knowing, it fits us better like that. i don’t really want to know the way i feel for you because i can see behind my eyelids that you feel whatever i feel, too.”
— Pebbles Moomau

“maybe one day i can find the words to rewrite my story from one frail word to one with strength, grace, beauty. and when that day comes, maybe i can finally end this chapter. maybe i can reach the climax of my story and when that happens i’ll know that i am better for it.”
— Sonali Menon


9.21.22 AUTUMN

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